Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A Cubs Fan's Lament


Baseball begins, at long last. The Cubs are back in blue. The sun shines, the beer flows. The Cubs bat first in Atlanta, and holy cow! Newcomer Marlon Byrd hits a 3-run homer! It's going to be an awesome season, we're going all the way in 2010!

An inning later, it's all over. Ace pitcher Carlos Zambrano gives up 8 runs. He walks batters, hits batters, serves up a couple meatball home runs, and makes a throwing error.

The season's finished. The Cubs go on to lose 16 to 5.

"Now, now," you're saying. "It's just one game. Cubs fans are such hyperactive, superstitious naysayers."

Please. We know how to read the signs of disaster, including:
  • Our number-one pitcher ($18 mil/yr) now has an ERA of 54.
  • Not so bad, really, considering relief pitcher Jeff Samardzija has an ERA of 108. I thought it was infinity (6 runs divided by 0, as in no outs obtained), but apparently he did strike out one batter.
  • It was the worst Cubs opening game in 126 years. The prior record was set May 1, 1884, when New York clubbed Chicago 15 to 3.
  • With this game, the Cubs enter their 102nd year of World Series futility. It's the longest losing streak in pro sports history.
"Let's just go back to the hotel and cry," Cubs radio announcer Ron Santo said post-game.

Our sentiments exactly.

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