Abe Lincoln: Ass-Kicker

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter has hit bookstores with a vengeance. Who knew the Great Emancipator wielded his ax for more than splitting rails?

"I cut Williams' head off... When it fell to the floor, his eyes were black as the shoes he had been polishing. I have not the faintest idea what his crimes were, nor do I care. I care only that there is one less vampire today than there was yesterday."

Yowza! Author Seth Grahame-Smith shows this heretofore unknown side of the 16th prez. When he launched his book tour at the Lincoln Presidential Museum in Springfield, many historians cried foul. Too bad, because this is awesome stuff. Watch the video below to see for yourself.

Plumbers of St. Patrick's Day

They're at it again, those magical, plunger-wielding gents of the local plumbers' union. They're dying the Chicago River green tomorrow at 10:45am. (The how's and why's are described in this earlier post.)

The St. Pat's Parade queues thereafter. Then the beer drinking commences. Two excellent places to get your Irish on are the Irish American Heritage Center, which has a first-floor pub that opens on Friday and Saturday nights only and fills with oldsters from the Old Country; and Christina's Place, a corner tavern that pours $2 pints of Guinness all day, every day, year round. It's fiddle players and fish-and-chips in the former, karaoke and microwave pizzas in the latter - both fit for the finest of plumbers.

When the Polkaholics Met L'il Wally

What happens when the Polkaholics, Chicago's favorite punk-polka band, meets L'il Wally, old-school polka meister and frequent Lawrence Welk guest? Find out at the documentary premiere of Polkaholics at the Chicago International Movies and Music Fest.

Be assured it will involve jaunty accordions and Wally classics like Hot Pants and In Heaven There is No Beer (that's why we drink it here). Wally died a few years ago, but not before racking up 17 gold and 4 platinum records and a personal blessing from Pope John Paul, who said "God will reward you for all your hard work."

The swinging begins at the Cultural Center at 8pm tonight.

Podhalanka: Cheap Eat of the Day

This restaurant pick is in honor of Pulaski Day. It's a Chicago public holiday held the first Monday in March to honor Revolutionary War hero Casimir Pulaski, a mustachioed Pole who trained the cavalry.

We can only presume Pulaski liked pierogies, and if he was around today he'd tie up his horse at Podhalanka (1549 W. Division St.). Of all the Polish restaurants in town - and there are many, since Chicago has the largest Polish population outside the mother country - Podhalanka ranks among the most authentic.

It's like entering your grandma's kitchen in Krakow circa 1984. There's a bar with red vinyl seats and tables with green vinyl placemats. A picture of Pope John Paul hangs on the wall. The Polish staff take your order, and soon heaping portions of dill-flecked white borscht, tender ribs, crispy potato pancakes, and fat pierogies come out. You'll need a nap by the time they clear the plates.

Main dishes cost $4-9. The restaurant is open 9am-8pm Mon-Sat, 10am-7pm Sun.

Get Smart at Beer School

Graduate with honors in English Ales or Belgian Brews at the Map Room's Beer School. Greg Brown, brewmaster at Mickey Finn's in suburban Libertyville, teaches the monthly class. This Saturday's lesson is devoted to swirling, smelling, and sipping Belgian beers.

Knowledgeable hop-heads know you can't just turn up on Saturday. You've got to buy a ticket - in person and in cash - sometime during the preceding five days. The class seats 40 people and costs $25.

On a budget? The Map Room also hosts "International Night" every Tuesday at 7pm, and provides free chow from local ethnic eateries - say, Vietnamese pho, Polish pierogi, or Cuban sandwiches - as long as you buy two drinks from the 200-strong global brewski list.

Chicago Cheap Eats: New App

Hungry? Broke? The new app, Chicago Cheap Eats, can fix the problem. It'll point you to the city's best donuts, haute dogs, tortas, masala dosas, deep-dish pizzas and much more to stuff your face, typically for under $10.

Yours truly wrote the app. It's available for the iPhone/iPod Touch. Click here to go to the iTunes store, where 99 cents gets you 70+ restaurants of bargain-priced foodie goodness.

The company - Sutro Media - offers other swell travel apps, too, including the low-down on Boston (by Kim Grant) and Las Vegas (by Sara Benson).

Don Pedro: Cheap Eat of the Day

When you see the neon pink pigs in the window, you've found Don Pedro Carnitas. A machete-wielding gentleman greets you at the front counter, ready to hack off your pork pieces. He wraps the thick chunks with onion and cilantro into a fresh tortilla (the Del Ray factory is a few doors down the road), and you take the taco to the no-frills tables in back and squeeze on lime juice and tomatillo salsa. Delicioso! The restaurant also serves birria (spicy goat stew), brain tacos and chicharrones (seasoned, deep fried pork skin) among its meaty arsenal.

Don Pedro's juicy mecca is at 1113 W. 18th St. in Pilsen. Open 6am-6pm Mon-Fri, 5am-5pm Sat, 5am-3pm Sun. Tacos $1.50, cash only. Weekends are packed.